Aubrey

My daughter once asked why I loved her mom. This was probably the only time I can ever remember not giving her a direct answer. The question was extremely difficult and I do not believe that I ever actually answered.

I am not sure why she asked the question but, the question stuck with me and now that we have gone our separate ways, it has made me ask questions. The fact is, none of us ever know why we love a person. I do not think that we can if we have real love. The questions that I have been forced to ask myself has made me realize that the majority of people who claim love really do not understand love. I have what I now consider as a blessing. People talk to me. Everyone does! I once believed it was a curse but I now think differently. In having people talk to me, I have learned that everyone has a different idea of what love is due to their experiences and personal desires.

In examination of the emotion, I have come to realize that Love can not be defined. It can not be contained. It is a force that encompasses many concepts and defies as many. Where there is real love, it will defy logic, reason and all that we know. In some ways, we all want it but we are not all capable of knowing or truly experiencing it. It is a blessing and a curse all at once. It can make us feel ecstatic and also make us dread life all together. With it we can feel like accomplishing miracles. Without it, we can wish for death. Love may be the most important concept that we can never truly understand.

In a recent conversation with a dear friend, the idea of Love had a moment of clarity for me. I have read and examined it for so long but never had a moment that was like this one. I knew what was being said and have always felt this way but I realized, in this moment, that it really doesn’t matter what we think we know because you have to see or experience it to even begin to grasp it.

Love is something that confounds us all. We think of it as how we feel. What makes us happy. What we share but this is simply not true. True, we have it and give it. We feel it and want it but,  this is only the tip of a iceberg. It can not be narrowed down to something small and concise. When we attempt to define what it is, it will grow beyond our understanding. It will sit besides us then run away. We can not hold it or keep it because it will go it’s own way.

Love is, not how we feel but what we give. It is not about us. If someone says that they know simply because of how they feel, then they just have not examined it. Love is, about others. You cannot stop giving it no matter how you try. You will do all you can to get rid of it but the more that you try, the more you will feel.  Beg how you may, it will not stop. The more that you fight the more it will hurt.  If it is real, you can not ignore it, deny it or fall out of it.

Even when someone has hurt you beyond repair, you can not wish it away.  They can betray you and destroy you. You will still love them. You may pray to never see them again and you will still have that love. Actively hate them only because you can not stop the love. Love is immoveable, undeniable, unyielding and unrelenting. No one can choose whom they love. No one can fall out of love. Love is the source of all that drives us in one way or another. Love is God, Love is religion. Love is the source of life and strife and all that makes us what we are.

It is not something that can be explained. It is not how you feel. It cannot be known only experienced. It cannot be taken away only given. It will make you crazy and also show you the face of god. So I say to my daughter. I love your mother because I have no choice. I love your mother because I am child of the source. I Love your mother because I am love embodied and it is Devine and undeniable. I love your mother because she is your mother. All of these things are true. The real answer is that I do not know why I love your mother but I do It doesn’t matter why I do I simply do.

 

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